We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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