Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
