Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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