**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
