yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
