There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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