hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize