There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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