So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
