Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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