god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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