also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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