One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
