Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
