i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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