She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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