sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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