I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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