if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
