getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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