Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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