u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
