i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
