I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
