i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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