dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
