my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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