I think my vagina is haunted
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
