I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
