i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
