flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
