Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize