I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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