She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We don't watch enough power rangers
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
