I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
