Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
