At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
