I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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