How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
