I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
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