cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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