I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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