Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
