"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
