Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sext me about skeletons
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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