Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize