no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
