If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
