You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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