She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
