I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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