is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
