Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
