I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
