I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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