I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I died a long time ago.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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