we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
