I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize